Friday, December 02, 2011
最近討厭bubbly這個字。
記得中學的時候，紀念冊上常有人說我bubbly。
不知道曾幾何時，再沒有人用bubbly形容我。我在陌生人面前變得很安靜。有時我想可能是高中的孤僻所延伸出來的。
我的性格將成為我求職的一大障礙。處於尷尬位置現在的我，真的好辛苦。
Natsuki bought another stitch item
12/02/2011 09:03:00 AM
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Monday, November 21, 2011
Depression time.
Some company has interest in hiring me. But the working hours is long and pay is somehow pathetic. and worse thing is that gotta work on Sats, 10am-1pm.
You can say I'm spoilt. I admit. I don't really wanna work. Because honestly speaking, I don't need to. If I run out of money, my dad can give me. If not my bf can give me pocket money. I don't have to provide for anybody.
The whole world tells me not to accept the job. THE WHOLE WORLD. EXCEPT MY DAD.
I ask if I can work at his company excluding sat... he said no. and that his business has nothing much to do. he don't wanna hire me. So, it has always been my wishful thinking that he needs help and I can make a difference.
If I want and if I dare I would remind him that it was him who didn't want me to go for Mass Comm at NTU, as a result I ended up in NUS which a degree majoring in a most diverse yet useless course in the whole world.
Slap in my face, maybe it is time for me to wake up. I may come from a well-to-do family. But not as rich as some other family... my dad don't own any listed company... so I'm not qian jin or whatsoever... then why spoil and shelter me in the first place...
I don't wanna miss a thing about the bbks... they are like my source or energy and happiness... but I guess I don't have a choice... like many others I'm gonna work like a cow morning till night and even my weekends for that pathetic miserable pay.
MY FUTURE PAY 1440 AFTER CPF DEDUCTION. I'm a grad from NUS, majoring in CNM. thanks arigatou. bye bye.
Natsuki bought another stitch item
11/21/2011 11:52:00 PM
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Friday, July 01, 2011
Hello dead blog.
I realise I'll come here everytime I fall into major depression. Sorry that I only share sad stuffs here, that is when I really need some place to vent....
Okie, I've graduated, and doesn't seems to be able to find a job. The reason being I screwed up some interviews. The first one was *****p***. But it was because I wasn't really very interested in the company, and they are only willing to pay me $1800 which might be bargained down again. The person told me that in the graphic design industry, the highest/lowest pay is kinda fixed no matter you are a degree/diploma holder. It sets me thinking if I really wanna be stuck in this industry for the rest of my life receiving 1800/mth, while my friends get $2000 and above... then why the hell did I go through those hell in jc for that freaking degree! Other GD jobs I applied didn't reply me... I guessed because they don't wanna hire a degree holder with higher expected pay for a job that diplomats can do at a lower rate.... or simply because my portfolio not impressive enough...
And the other one.... is **g***l, they didn't get back to me... because I told them I'm not a good writer when they are looking for a writer cum photographer... I focused too much on photography...
I told myself to give myself sometime to reconsider this situation... I came out with some solutions...
1. Simply send resume to every company looking for GD... take up the best offer no matter how low it is... or some marketing jobs?
pro: will finally get a job, no need get nag.
cons: damn the low pay!
2. Start clay sweets classes. Simply start earning some pocket money first.
pro: fun! on time on pace.
cons: where to get business? location?
3. Freelance photographer.
pro: this is what I want... at least for the moment...
cons: not a pro photographer yet. tough competition with so many youths taking up photography.
Honestly, I quite confident about my photoshopping and "shen3 mei3 guan1"... it is just those technical stuffs... lighting, studio which is a whole lot to learn... and I'll need money to take courses!
4. Freelance graphic designer...
simple don't know where to start.
5. Help my sister.
I kinda wanna help... but I don't know how... suck at marketing...
6. WOrk at my dad's place...
last resort....
7. beg my cousin to hire me.
last last resort.
8. NIE.
last last last resort.
and I freaking came out with many business idea
I'm seriously mad stress now that pimples are popping... And I turn to eating junk food to destress... I've been eating alot... like %$&*%$%$&%&... and I think I gained back what I lost... haha... nth new.... I need to lost weight again and I can go on babbling about this shit...
PLUS I'm totally suffering from holiday withdrawal...
HK T-T
TW T-T....
Why do happy times go by so fast?
OK, now, right now gotta try to be positive...
when i wish upon a star, maybe things will work, no matter who I am.......
Natsuki bought another stitch item
7/01/2011 11:19:00 PM
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Saturday, December 18, 2010
Today must be the most heartbreaking day ever.
I slept at 3.30am and got woke up by my mom at 5.30am... She told me that bbk is swelling very badly... ad they are bringing her to the doc now... I heard bbk crying... So I went down after a few minutes of cooling down... Bbk was in my mom's arms... I did not wear my specs, so I went nearer...
and the next moment... I burst into tears.... bbk's cute face was swollen... her eyes became very small I couldn't not recognise her... I broke down... my sis was crying too.... bbk was very tired... felt so helpless.... she wasnt the baby we all knew... they went out and I went back to my room... I can't stop crying.... I was super worried... my heart shattered... I called yy 40 times... but he did not wake up, I called a couple of friends because I really needed someone... Xinyi is the only one who got woke up.... she consoled me n I felt much better...
I told myself... no matter how bbk look now, she is still my precious baby...
she might not be my child, but I can't even imagine myself without her... since the day she is born, she has become the centre of my life... everytime I feel low... the only person in this world who can make me smile.... I couldn't eve imagine sharing my love with her sister or with my future own child....
All I can do is pray... I prayed to dbg... I told him to bless bbk...
They came after 2 hours... and the doc say bbk's body is not reactin well with her chicken pox...
so it makes her swollen...
I went to iluma... my sister fetched me... she cant take care bbk or go near her cos she is pregnant.. I uds how she feel... I can see she is tryin to stay positive... All my mind is filled w bbk...until I receive news that her face is not so swollen anymore... I cried on the spot...
But during evening, my mom called, I asked her how is bbk... she said the swelling is back again...
My heart broke again....
Finally I reached home... And saw her... her face is not so swollen anymore...
I am staying over at my sis house to acc her... Sleeping in bbk's room... I could feel her right with me... heart filled with emotios and I cant even type proper english....
I hope she will recover her soon... I love her so much... love my family so much I dont them to suffer....
Natsuki bought another stitch item
12/18/2010 11:46:00 PM
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Friday, December 17, 2010
Scoopies will be at Iluma again tml. But I'm eggcited at all. The main reason is because bbk is down with chicken pox. I had my vaccine when I am 12 and the doc told me that I don't have to get vaccine again. Bbk is staying at our house because my sister cannot get close to her. I see her face having more and more pox everyday. And today, she have red patches and swollen limbs, we are suspecting that she is allergic to her itch-free medicine. I am very worried and heartbroken... her cute face!!! T-T is now covered with red dots.... The swollen limbs are also very scary... why does she keep getting sick!!! It is so unfair to a baby... she still remains energetic and fools around, but I just feel like crying when I see her! I wanna avoid seeing her but my mom will not be ale to handle her alone...
To make things worse, I can't connect to internet, I am actually tethering with my iphone... I don't know if I should call starhub for the FIFTH time to call them to come down to check since bbk is having pox... it wouldn't be nice if I still call the person down. But if I really don't like the feeling of a lingering unsolved problem... Iphone tethering is not a soltion because it might just surpass 12gb is I on pps all day... I totally lost my mood to do anything for the arts market tml... worried!!!!
I'm also afraid that my mom will contract pox again, although she had once already... but I know it is possible to get the 2nd time... I don't dare to think what will happen if my mom got it...
Xmas is coming but life is sooooo freaking yucky!
I really feel like self-destroying myself~
Natsuki bought another stitch item
12/17/2010 09:01:00 PM
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Thursday, November 11, 2010
我想这里已经没有什么人光临了吧？
今天心情好糟！！！家里发生一些事，学校要做的事也一大堆。。。我的头大概是脑缺氧。。。最近开始痛。。。总之麻烦一大堆。。。
我说，大家又没有很想和一帮人/某一人做朋友的感觉？
我觉得我日语b的同学们都很有趣。。。而且有些同学已经变成好朋友了。。。可是我就是无法融入。。。可是我又觉得他们人都不错。。。
从小到大。。。我发现，我跟男生无法做很好的朋友。。。
平时，看人家女孩子和男生可以打成一片，心里暗中羡慕。。。
我跟男生的交际，都是因为我暗恋人家，还是什么的。。。不然就是暧昧期？！
我不知道呀。。。我给人家的感觉是怎么样的呢？亲切？不友善？
认识我的人都应该知道我超级友善的。。。可是在课室里，小组里，我就是表现不出来。。。
好难过呀。。。
自卑心作祟。。。
最近，又在减肥了。。。可是还是懒得运动。。。就是少吃而已。。。迷迷糊糊也减了5KG！可是现在到瓶颈了。。。
有时候，我会有一些非常不好的念头。。。
像是： 就算得厌食症也要瘦下来。。。
很不ok...可是我不能不这么想。。。
我觉得我烦恼的一切。。。都是有关联的。
我真的希望能瘦下来。。。做个普通身材的女孩子。。。这样我就不会再怀疑别人对我的眼光是不是因为我太肥了还是什么。。。。
我会反省的。。。
Natsuki bought another stitch item
11/11/2010 09:43:00 PM
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Friday, July 30, 2010
Look at the namecards u have in ur wallet....
What's our creativity and visual design, as compared to these....
damn!
Natsuki bought another stitch item
7/30/2010 12:12:00 PM
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